Losing and Finding

Many life changing events happened to me since the year started. One and the most heartbreaking is of course the sudden death of my only brother. This tragedy alone taught me a lot of lessons and made me realize many things. Although kind gestures are pouring in, I have proven that not all people whom you thought your friends will gonna be there beside you when you needed them the most. Sometimes, those people whom their sincerity you doubted are the ones who beat the odds just to make you feel better.

I also learned that the death of someone you hold dear is the most painful thing a person may experience. I previously thought that those death/dying or funeral scenes I see on films and televisions are overrated but boy I was wrong! I've been there exactly eight months ago and I realized that nothing can alleviate the pain caused by a person's sudden death. Even those bereaved family's almost hysterical reactions when the coffin is being interred are all true. I've come to the point wherein I want to pull my brother's body out of the coffin, shake him and shout with all my might in the hopes of bringing his life back. Even when I visit his grave, there are times when I want to tear down the concrete tomb, pull him out and bring him home. I never thought that it'll hurt me this much... I never thought that I'd miss him this much. It is indeed true that you'll realize how much a person means to you when he is gone... and it hurts even more if you weren't able to let that person know how much you love him. That is why from that day on; I make it a point to show to those who really matter how much they mean to me. The once rarely mentioned "I love you" often escapes my lips. I am also starting to learn how to manage my time wisely... spending it with what matter to me - faith, family, work, friends and later on love.

Yes, love! While I was busy getting over my brother's death, God is probably equally busy looking or prepping that one special person who'll make me feel special. Although some relationship experts advise not to fall in love when you are still on the healing process, I still chose to let myself love and be loved. And it felt good to have that someone who helps lighten my load when they seem too much for me to endure... a pat in the back, hugs, other simple gestures of kindness or his mere presence can set the mood right and make me believe that everything will be alright. I know we still have a long way to go and I am amiable to the fact that we still have to go through lots of challenges that could either make us or break us. I may not be good at this thing called love since I haven't had serious relationships before this but I believe that as long as we give time, allow each other to grow together and individually and there is respect, understanding and love, there is really nothing to worry about. So far so good and I am thankful that I am blessed with a person that I want as much as I need.

We sometimes lose what we have but there is always a reason for it. We may not know what it is but if we allow our selves to heal, we’ll eventually accept the demise consequently make us notice more beautiful things life could offer.

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