Quote of the Month: Death and Regrets

Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it. - Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman: 24 Stories

This quote is just fitting with my current situation right now. No, no one in my circle died recently. It’s just that it’s my only brother’s birthday tomorrow. He died almost five years ago. He was 25 when he died and is supposed to be celebrating his 30th tomorrow.

The pain of his sudden death was devastating that until now, I feel that I haven’t completely gotten over his passing. What is making me sadder is that, we had a little argument a couple of days before he died and we haven’t talked much since that day. I didn’t see this coming, no one in the family did. He was completely healthy and nothing seems off about him or something. He was his old self but all of sudden, my mother woke up to him snoring louder than usual and that’s it. He was rushed to the hospital but declared DOA (dead on arrival).

His death is the most painful event of my life by far, more painful than not winning that journalism contest I have been preparing for in high school, more painful than not passing that government scholarship in college and even more painful than cancelling my planned wedding and asking refund from the church and reception venue. I was devastated and mad at myself for not talking to him days prior to his death. I believe that is what made it more painful for me. That, at the last days of his life, I wasn’t able to make it better for him. I failed at letting him feel that I care about him.

There are times when I wish there is a way to contact the dead so that I can ask forgiveness and make things right. I want to make up to him for the days I acted bitchy. But I know there is nothing I can do about it now. As what this month’s chosen quote implies, “death is a part of life”. We can delay it perhaps but we cannot stop it from coming. It will come no matter what… we just do not know when.

There are lots of lessons I learned from his death. One, treat others, especially your family, kindly. Show them that you care and do not be too hard on them even if they can be hard sometimes. Accept and understand their weaknesses and appreciate them for their strength. And the perfect time to start doing it is NOW. Don’t wait for later because as what I have said, we do not know when death is coming. That’s lesson number two. Be prepared always so that in case something happens to you or anyone you love, there is no regret. Settle differences as soon as possible and never hold a grudge over someone whom you are sure you will feel bad when s/he dies.

With this, you’ll feel no regrets and makes it easier to move on.

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